Zombie Apocalypse Home Defense System problems.

In my first writing class in college we were asked to write a letter of complaint to a fictional company, and that companies response to said complaint. We were told to be imaginative and have fun. So I did.

Harry Cooper                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                3232 S.E. Forbidden Lane Evans City, WI 20345

August 31, 2009

George Romero Home Defense Systems                                                                                                                                                       666 Cemetery Lane Washington D.C. MD, 20001

Dear Mr. Romero:

I purchased your Home Defense System for the coming Zombie Apocalypse. I spent two days installing the system per directions that came with the equipment. I went over the safety instructions with my wife and children and they understood the directions completely. We felt we had prepared sufficiently for the coming apocalypse.

I am not at all satisfied with my purchase. The evening after installation my mother in law showed up for a visit. Completely by accident she set off the duel spring loaded axes at the front door, decapitating herself. The resulting panic and fright to my family was most distressing.

I am writing this letter to request a full refund for the faulty defense system. I would also like to receive compensation for the funeral cost, my divorce and child custody lawyer’s fees.

Respectfully yours,

Harry Cooper

George Romero Home Defense Systems                                                                                                                                                       666 Cemetery Road                                                                                                                                                                                                     Washington D.C. MD, 20001

 

 

Sept. 9, 2009

 

Harry Cooper                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                3232 S.E. Forbidden Lane                                                                                                                                                                                                                           Evans City, WI 20345

Dear Mr. Cooper:

It was with great dismay that we read of the unfortunate accident that ended with the death of your mother in law. We here at G.R. Home Defense Systems feel we are not responsible for either the funeral costs, nor those incurred during you court cases. According to your letter dated August 31, 2009, you did not inform your mother in law of the safety issues surrounding our defense systems. You stated you informed you wife and children, but did not make mention of your wife’s mother.

As to the refund on the system, I am afraid we must deny that claim as well. It is clearly stated in the contract you signed: section 8, paragraph 5, following the one on the fragmentation landmines, “Installation of the Home Defense System for the coming Zombie Apocalypse, prior to the beginning of the apocalypse, could cause accidental damage due to the sensitive nature of the system.” Again we are sorry for the unfortunate incident and wish you luck on your court cases.

Sincerely yours,

George Romero, President                                                                                                                                                                                       GR/am

 

 

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